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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Local Kooks' LiveJournal:

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Saturday, June 11th, 2005
8:24 pm
Spotted over in blackfolk...
Starts and Fits
Saturday, June 11, 2005
I Hope That's Not the Apartment That's for Rent

Readers of this web log will know that I am constantly praising city life. Well, one of the things that makes life in the city interesting is the raw human emotion — not always positive — that living and working in close quarters with huge numers of strangers can provoke.

(...) I have a particular fascination with people who are so worked up by something that they post handwritten signs on buildings or in windows. Uptown in far East Harlem, I spotted a number of handwritten signs that illustrate the potential problems of living on the ground floor. Apparently, apartments are available in the building at left above. One hopes that the one on the ground floor with all the signs in the windows isn't one of them. Read more...Collapse )
Monday, May 23rd, 2005
10:22 am
When tin foil hats aren't enough....
Unfortunately, I can't offer a first-hand account, but here's a news story too good not to pass along about a family that has covered their house with foil "to protect them from unknown neighbors who have been bombarding them with radio waves and making them sick." The picture isn't very revealing; the video clip best shows the extent of this little home improvement project.

What kooks! Everybody knows that only helps to trap the deadly rays inside!

Current Mood: sick...hey, wait just a second
Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005
1:48 pm
Liberty Bank Parking Lot Man
Every day on my way to work, I wait for the Milwaukee Ave. bus at Fullerton. The bus stop is in front of the Liberty Bank, and most mornings there is an older man (late 60s, maybe?) patrolling the parking lot and sidewalk. His primary mission is to remove all debris, especially cigarette butts, and toss it into the street. His disgust for cigarette butts must be overwhelming. He is willing to scour the entire parking lot, and pick up other people's old cigarette butts with his bare hands (Yeeechhh!), walk back to the curb and fling them into the street by the handful. On windy days it's fun to watch him battle to keep the lightweight paper garbage in the street and off the sidewalk.

Oh, and by the way, there is a garbage can on the sidewalk, but he prefers to throw everything into the street.

I have no idea how much time he spends there every day. He seems to be acquainted with several of the employees, who he chitchats with as they arrive, or come outside for a smoke (more butts!).

His hands must smell absolutely disgusting.

Current Mood: bored
Friday, November 26th, 2004
11:12 pm
we hear him before we see him, then see him loitering off-center in the corner of our eye. chatting and then moving on. he sounded very amused with himself and with the world. you can hear his grin before you even see it. when he wanders into range of visibility we can make that out he has on a grubby trenchcoat and has glasses held together with masking tape.

he approaches a pair of black boys about 14, almost identical from the back, who sit close together on the doorsteps of a building, waiting for the bus.

throughout the following monologue they do not speak back, much less acknowledge him in any way whatsoever, except not to acknowledge him. they do not move at all. perhaps they do not speak English. after he goes away they talk to each other but you cannot hear what they say.

the man says:

"do they teach you sex education at school?"

(pauses for dramatic effect.)

"we had pornography!" (makes finger gesture of copulation.)

"when we had a girl on our class..."

he goes on for five minutes and toddles off.

you can't make it out anything beyond the first few sentences. you could only make something about makeup and stockings. does this have something to do with transvestism?

you know he must do it for an audience.
Friday, November 19th, 2004
2:33 pm

Willie Caldwell speaks up again. Sorry, way too blurry because it was nighttime, I didn't use a flash, and it was drizzling. I'll stop by ABC's building again tonight and see if he's set up. He usually operates there in the early evening. Basically, this it what the signs say.

Sign 1: (Something about the feds sending a pusher to Willie) and filmed him talking to me. This tatic (sic) is (to make?) me look like a drug dealer. (???)

Sign 2: I stopped selling jewelry in the year 2003. I am starting back this weekend. I will sell silver chains. The Feds are still injecting chemicals around my heart. (The usual driver's license and license plate information.)

Correction to my original memory of Mr. Caldwell walking around Gore's speech at Daley Center Plaza with a sign saying that the feds were injecting chemicals into his head. They are injecting them around his heart, in fact, which is actually a more poignant bit of phrasing. Shame on me.

Mr. Caldwell's back and hat can be seen in the top right corner. He's an African-American man, maybe in his 40s. Poor bastard.
Monday, November 1st, 2004
12:57 pm
Willie Caldwell weighs in again. The first part says, "Hello Channel 7. The Feds went into my safe deposit box..."

Thursday, September 16th, 2004
1:25 pm
My favorite Chicago kook Willie "The Feds are Injecting Chemicals into My Brain" Caldwell is back in business out in front of ABC's offices! Looks like he's just setting up signs now.

Saturday, March 27th, 2004
1:26 am
Below is one of the found artifacts of a local Chicago kook who called himself "The Word of God". I have a few found rants from this man, most were found over 10 years ago. I wonder if anyone else in Chicago remembers seeing these posted to lamp posts around town. It appears he handwrote every copy by hand as copy machines were work of the devil (note this one is noted as copy #99).

I especially like how he wrote "whoever tears this off is already condemned". Uh oh, that's me!

Tuesday, February 3rd, 2004
6:15 pm
Hey, Dan, Why Were You late for Work This Morning?, Part 2

Well, I HAD to follow this guy>

By the way, that's a tall, pointy hat he's wearing. On the side, letters were sewn in that said something like "JEHOVAH IS GOD."
Sunday, February 1st, 2004
1:32 pm
Monday, December 15th, 2003
6:16 pm
OK, here's a new one:


This idiot storms up and down Hawthorne Boulevard here in P-Land, verbally accosting pedestrians, cars, buses--everyone basically. He's constantly screaming at someone or something (usually a vehicle of some sort) and he's always dressed in combat fatigues.

I personally have my doubts as to whether the turdling ever served his country, but...at any rate, the guy sucks, sucks, sucks with a capital "SUCK."
Saturday, September 27th, 2003
12:03 pm
Wig man
We have all seen men wearing poorly fitting or mismatched toupees, but they are as naught beside the elderly gentleman who I sometimes used to see shopping in London, whose choice of hair replacement was a mop head - rather like this one except that it was dark brown - tied to his head with string knotted under his chin.

But anything is better than being bald, of course: one would feel so conspicuous.
Saturday, September 6th, 2003
7:37 pm
A guy was walking around outside my office building today yelling "IT'S A TRICK!!! IT'S A TRICK!!!!"
Thursday, August 28th, 2003
2:36 pm
Why were you late for work yesterday, Dan?

Among other reasons, I saw Darth Vader's less virile brother. I thought this guy was a bike messenger at first, but: (1) He had no bike, and (2) I'm not sure what a bike messenger would be doing with a prayer mat and a breast plate that looks like it was made out of a muffler. That's not the Death Star in the background, it's the 17th Church of Christ Scientist.

Thursday, August 21st, 2003
2:42 pm
Hi all...

Since I admire the brains, weirdness, and goofiness of people in this community, I am extending an invitation for you all to join fake_movies, a place to discuss movies you'd like to see made, what actors you'd like to see in them, etc, etc...


Coming in August--"Stunt Cock," starring Bruce Glover (Crispin's father) as an aging ex-porn star who has Tourette's Syndrome. Jon Voight plays Glover's bitter estranged lover, and an all-star cast includes George Wendt, Ray Parker Jr., Richard Dean Anderson, Coolio, Downtown Julie Brown, David Faustino, and Kurtis Blow.

Original motion picture soundtrack provided by Glen Frey and Harold Faltemeyer.
Wednesday, August 20th, 2003
10:24 am
Oh, that wacky Milwaukee Ave. bus . . .
I saw the Jesus himself on the bus on Friday after work. He had long dark hair and a beard. He was wearing a white robe tied with a purple sash, and he was also carrying a large (but not-quite-life-size) crucifix over his shoulder. After he got on the bus he sat down and began praying the rosary.

My friend Bob at work said, "Well, it couldn't really have been Jesus, because he was Jewish. He wouldn't be praying the rosary." Why did he have to burst my little bubble like that? : )

Current Mood: my tummy hurts!
Saturday, August 16th, 2003
12:39 pm
The ongoing saga of Underdog Accordion Man.

Last night semibold and I were heading north on Milwaukee Avenue in a car driven by our friend Pat. semibold idly looked out, and in the bus driving alongside us was Underdog Accordion Man, looking uncharacteristically sullen. This was odd because the neighborhood we were in was far from his Loop stomping grounds.
Tuesday, August 12th, 2003
4:08 pm
Heels man
peligro's description of Thong man reminded me of a guy I saw a while back. I never saw him again so I don't know if he's strictly local.

He had dark curly hair, was tall, looked about 25: he was wearing a lightweight fleece, combat pants and six-inch stilettos. The combination of average guy clothing and very feminine shoes (apart from their manly size) was hilarious. I saw him several times the same day, hours apart. His feet must have been killing him.
Monday, August 11th, 2003
9:29 am
The Twins
I've seen them at least once a week for the past few years, usually on the Fullerton bus (a haven for the kooky, it seems.) They are probably in their late 60s or early 70s, two identical twin old ladies, dressed exactly alike, down to their hairstyles and eyeglasses and tote bags. EVERYTHING exactly the same. They don't really act kooky or anything, I just find it fascinating that they continue to dress alike even into their old age. And I never see one without the other, they probably go everywhere and do everything together. Kinda sweet and yet kinda creepy!

Current Mood: amused
Sunday, August 10th, 2003
2:11 am
He wore an itsy bitsy, teeny weeny, red Thong.
Tonight, zabu, russianivan, harlowkitty and myself went to the Space Room for a drink (or in Mike's case, 5). A pleasant evening was had by all even though we all left early. In fact, this was the first time ever the we had left a bar before bar time. Guess we're gettin' old!

Inna was driving us home and since she was paying attention to the road and Mike was drunk so it was up to me to keep an eagle eye out... and it's a good thing.

We saw this walking down the street. Yes, an almost completely naked man, in nothing but a Thong, walking down the street as if taking a naked stroll at 1 A.M. is completely natural. He didn't even so much as GLANCE at us.

I like it when I see strange things and I'm actually sober, then my life doesn't seem so boring.
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